The other day I was looking for a piece of paper in my notebook filled home, when I came across a hardcover I used to write – I’d say poetry but it was pretty much everything – in. It was one of three I had back in secondary school and evidently not my most loved given how empty it was. Still, it’s the only one I ever wrote “fun facts about myself” in.
How serendipitous, I truly thought since I was in the process of thinking what this year’s birthday blog post would be about – and what’s more befitting than sharing my the cute but still cringe-worthy musings I had of myself from exactly a decade ago.
Of course, I wrote about 40, but I’ve handpicked and/or combined the few I think really really stand out to see what has changed, and what has stayed the same:
1. Two words; socks rock!
That they do. I still love socks til now. There was a point I had over 70 pairs.
2. I hate pink… Oh how ironic
Funner fact: I wrote how ironic cause I used pink ink to write this. As the years have gone by my aversion has decreased significantly. I mean it’s still not my favourite colour but I don’t necessarily hate it.
3. I think best when I write.. I love writing, it’s not a hobby, it’s a way of life.
Oh naive child. If only you knew the disdain you’d one day have for this art.
4. I don’t think I’m pretty… I only find a few aspects aboutyself cute… namely my eyes and nails.
I’ve added on a few things to that list. I like my mouth. I like my thighs. I like my hair and I think I have a cute set of hands and feet.
5. When I was eight me and my best friend made vows not to date until I was 16! One more year!
And get my first boyfriend at 16 I did.
6. I get tired of hearing myself talk.
Still true. I’m just glad I’ve reduced – even by a little – how much I talk.
7. I love books! I’m a mystery freak and not a romantic like most people.
It’s fully giving “wow, I’m not like other girls.” Also I spoke too soon, cause in a couple of months after this I got my first phone and fell into the wonderful world of Wattpad – and now I’m a romance girly through and through. I don’t even remember the last time I read a mystery.
8. I’m full of more negative things about myself than positive.
Ten years later and I’m still here.
9. I hate when movies/books say it only happens in movies/books then it happens… really how am I supposed to feel.
This was a valid concern for a 15 year old, no lie. I haven’t come across a lot of media that still does this so I’m not sure how I feel about it now.
10. I feel bad when someone asks me for something and I say “no”… so I usually say “yes” even if I don’t want to.
It still makes me uncomfortable but I have learnt to say no more often (even if not always) as the years have gone. Adulthood sucks but this is one its many perks.
11. People have said I never run out of things to say.
I don’t even know which people said this about me. They were probably right at the time. However these days I do run out of things to say and quite fast too. Akin to #6, I’ve learnt the art of silence along side the art of conversation.
12. Most people think I’m sociable but I’m generally shy… I just talk a lot… L.O.L.
Very very shy. Still mostly an introvert though a host of people will disagree. But I’m very welcoming towards people. I’ve taught myself how to feign confidence and I do quite well with small talk.
13. I get easily paranoid but then who doesn’t love a good horror movie… I love ’em.
Horror movies no longer scare me as much but I do still love them.
14. I love cuddling, I really do!
Even though I don’t remember who I was cuddling at 15, it remains exceedingly true til date. I love the feel of someone else’s body wrapped around mine.
15. I have my own fashion sense and music style as opposed to everyone else. (i.e I dress like a hag and listen to horrible music…hehehe!)
So many things here. Perhaps, the biggest offence here is writing “hehehe.” Like why. But also, still giving “I’m not like other girls.” Own music taste? Girl do you think you discovered Imagine Dragons? You listen to the most mainstream alternative music known to man. And then you proceed to call it horrible? Jesus. But also also? I don’t even know what I meant by hag here? Did I mean an elderly lady? Cause if so, I’ve meant many who dress better than me. Still over the years, I’ve started to dress better.
16. I have low self esteem and low confidence.
I always say a common misconception about me is that people think I’m confident. I’m not. I doubt myself to death but I’ve learnt when you’re a short and often younger than everyone else in the roo woman, people quite literally tend to look down on you. So I’ve learned to fake confidence and take up space.
17. When I’m nervous, I bite my nails and get the urge to pee.
I don’t bite my nails as much these days, but yes, I can still get the urge to pee.
18. I’d love to learn to play piano
I have not. But I still want to and all things constant, I’ll do that for my younger self.
19. I generally love animals! except cats… no matter how cute they are, they still creep me out.
This was when I was disillusioned to think you can either be a dog person or a cat person. I still prefer dogs, but yeah I definitely wouldn’t mind a pet cat either.
20. When I love, I love with all my heart so if I get hurt, I’ll get hurt with all my soul.
Sighs.
21. I’m self contradictory.
I forgive my younger self for not fully understanding that all humans contain multitudes – her included.
22. It’s not that I like arguing, it’s just that well I stand for what I believe in…and I like to win.
I no longer like to win. I will back off if I feel I’m wrong or if I feel there’s no point to it. However, I still don’t shy away from confrontation when needed.
23. It’s hard for me to hate someone I love no matter how much they hurt me.
At the time I thought this also translated to the fact that I’d also always love them. I’m surprised at how easy it has become to let the love go even if I don’t hate them at all.
24. Words run out of my mouth faster than I can think about them.
And in the past year I’ve seen how this can be disastrous to people who don’t fully understand that I do this a lot.
25. In the end I want people to say I made my mistakes but my heart was in the write/right place.
Still remains true. I want when I go, despite my many flaws, for people to say I was a good person.